God, beer, sports and Thoreau

by erica
(phila,pa,u.s.)

I just wonder, what am i suppose to be doing? Church? (temple, synagogue etc.) I don't. Pray? (traditional) I don't. Meditate? (lotus) I don't. There are those now moments when i have that peace spoken of in scripture that passeth all understanding. True bliss. Then there is that dark night of the soul. It's excruciating. I read once that doubt is hell. "Think not a place of brimstone where ghouls and demons dwell; Of pitchforks, pride and pestulance, but doubt, for this is hell." I agree. But never Being or Creation do i doubt. I'm proof. What then? I don't know. Nor do i doubt the Omnipotence or goodness of this First Cause. I believe in the unseen. I believe it is greater than the seen. I stand corrected, i pray sometimes but it's more like talking. Other times i sit quietly and am still. I do what comes natural. So-called normal... not so much. But not for the sake of non-conformancy. That's inauthentic. Even with the dark night, that ineffable glimpse that happened to me or through me once upon a "time", it sustains me and i am extremely grateful for life. Like i said, sometimes i just wonder... ;) Peace & World Peace

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Aug 11, 2011
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Great Questions; Great Insights
by: Carl Bozeman

Erica,

I love the way you express yourself. Succinct, thoughtful, edgy. Thank you so much for sharing. As for your question "what am I supposed to be doing?"

You?re doing it. Living. Having a ?human? experience is why we are here. We don?t need to complicate that! Our lives, just as they are, are exactly as they should be. Accept, even appreciate every experience you have and let go of any idea that you have to be ?doing ? something in order to be living ?right.? There is no right nor is there a wrong. You cannot fail at life no matter what you do.

The ?dark night? is nothing more than contrast for the ?bright day.? It all falls into the richness of experience we get to enjoy as divine beings having this wondrous and incredible experience. I don?t pray either. I talk and the conversations are sometimes wild and crazy, as the world might call it. ?First cause?? What the heck is that? If there is a ?first cause? it?s YOU all by yourself but in reality what we think is real isn?t. Let everything you think you know slip away, if for only a few minutes. No ?cause? necessary, and see what shows up in your experience.

I have no "doubts," Erica, so by your definition I have no ?hell? in my experience either. I, as do you, love everything about this experience mainly because I try constantly not to judge anything as good or bad. It?s hard and I long for the day when I can make it a full twenty four hours without so much as a single judgment about anyone or anything. I think it will be the best day of my life even though right now is pretty darned spectacular! Not sure I will ever beat it.

It seems you had an ?ineffable? experience that lets you love and be ?grateful for life.? You don?t know how fortunate you are. If ?doubt? is ?hell? for you then stop doubting. Hell, doubting, am I right, am I wrong, etc., etc., are all part of the mind. It is ego acting upon your life. It makes you the ?pursuer? of life when life should be the pursuer of you. Find YOU, Erica and let life unfold around that. You are so right that there is more going on then what we see. Stop the noise in your mind and you will ?see? more and more of that ?unseen.? I can tell you it?s incredible.

This life is simply not all that complicated. Have fun. Enjoy every detail you can. Pray?.don?t pray; meditate?.don?t meditate. It doesn?t matter as long as that ?ineffable? self that showed itself to you continues to sustain you. From what I?m hearing, Erica?you?ve got it pretty good. Why wonder at all?

Many blessings,

Carl

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